I don't know about you, but I think the intercuts are working well to energise your film - and also create some additional intimacy. When you cut back to the photo of the mum, I think you should try cutting to extreme close-ups, so the whole photograph fills the frame and we get a sense of the 'dots' making up the image, or we get a sense of some kind of agitation underpining what we're hearing:
I think too that the 'you crying' is too much - a sad expression is probably enough. In terms of keeping the photo scenes dynamic, I think you need to ease in towards them and ease out from them where necessary: so, when we're hearing about the mum, and we've return to the photo for the second time, a slight camera push towards it will invite greater intimacy etc.
I think the next stage of your development here is to start laying in actual sound effects etc and building up this element of your pre-vis, as sound is so important to the timing and to the world-building of your piece that I think the time as come to start working with sound. I also think you should start replacing the drawings of your Maya assets with your assets and with actual camera movements, so you can get a better sense of how it's all coming together and what the actual camera is doing.
I don't know about you, but I think the intercuts are working well to energise your film - and also create some additional intimacy. When you cut back to the photo of the mum, I think you should try cutting to extreme close-ups, so the whole photograph fills the frame and we get a sense of the 'dots' making up the image, or we get a sense of some kind of agitation underpining what we're hearing:
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I think too that the 'you crying' is too much - a sad expression is probably enough. In terms of keeping the photo scenes dynamic, I think you need to ease in towards them and ease out from them where necessary: so, when we're hearing about the mum, and we've return to the photo for the second time, a slight camera push towards it will invite greater intimacy etc.
I think the next stage of your development here is to start laying in actual sound effects etc and building up this element of your pre-vis, as sound is so important to the timing and to the world-building of your piece that I think the time as come to start working with sound. I also think you should start replacing the drawings of your Maya assets with your assets and with actual camera movements, so you can get a better sense of how it's all coming together and what the actual camera is doing.